I just can not find it in me to speak to the grandmother- so I do what I do best and avoid her. How big of me, running and hiding. I just don't like conflict or arguing anymore so I avoid it now at all costs.
So far she is staying with Kas'd Uncle across the river - not too far but far enough. I did walk over Sunday because we had to go to a cookout and I had to get Kassidy. I just stood outside on the porch and got upset just hearing her voice - so needless to say we got out of there really fast. But not before she asked to borrow some money from Kassidy's dad! I heard him say how much and her reply was - "oh only $100.00". I cringed inside and wanted to yell but in the end it all went ok - he didn't have $100.00 on him to give her! And then my phone rang - our friend saying his daughter and son were making a iced tea stand -could we please stop over. That got us out of there!
We stopped at another iced tea stand in town and headed for the other one. I just find the children so adorable- out there trying to make a few cents - so I enjoy seeing their faces when they get customers - I will give them a few dolors!
Kas's father is now getting upset with his mom - that makes me feel better - but not what I wanted. I just want him to give her the advice my friends on here give me! I admit I am a wimp and I am scared of her to stand up to her- but I must say that its coming closer and closer everyday. At first I thought there was no way I was going to stand up to her - if it was a few years ago I would have but not today. I think as everyday goes by and something else is done and said I will get "my big girl pants on", and say something to her. Times have changed as my years pass - I really care about everyones feelings - I just can't hurt a soul - and I stress to the kids to be kind to others. SO how would that look to my children if they over hear something I say to "grandma" - you know that children have super man ears!I am not the same cruel person I was when I was younger!
In the end my children are my whole world and I am here to protect them - and I will stand up for them! I just need some time to collect myself - I don't need to speak out of anger. I won't hurt or have my children hurt- I wouldn't want ANY child hurt!
I am crossing my fingers I can get through a few my days to collect my thoughts- !
9 comments on I am going to need the strength!
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Your day will come, and you needn't be nasty, just straight, direct and truthful. Take care.
Thanks so much I really appreciate it! Someday I will get the strength I need!
Hang in there girlie.. I'm here for you ! It is always easier for us to give advice from the side line but to have the strength to stand up to someone is always difficult.
Why is it that I can throw around advice on how we should be and I just can't say a word for myself! I don't like conflict or arguing but I seem to be always in the middle of something. My problem is I like to hear about other people's problems and I just can't fix my own! Silly of me - I am a grown woman but I feel like a child! If someone yells at me I cringe and hide - I just can't say how I truly feel because I don't want to hurt someones feelings- because I don't like people to feel like I do. I really should just forget about people's feelings and think about mine but it is very difficult for me to do- I worry about everything. Someday I'll put on my big girl pants! lol
I have read this so late because, again, I did not receive a notification! Grrrrrrrr!!!!!
There hasn't been a direct, immediate reason for a confrontation at this time, so although you would like to set some things straight, you can avoid hard or hurt feelings because things are going along good enough for the moment. If there are problems going on where she is staying, but you and your kids are not having to deal with it directly or the problems are not effecting your children, then it is someone else's place to deal with those problems. That may sound cruel or selfish, but that is where the immediate problem is so that occupant(s) has the choice of how to deal with it.
I'm an awful lot like you when it comes to biting my own tongue to avoid an argument that may result in hurt feelings. So, I understand why you want to say something but then, at the same time, you don't. Just know that if you do say something at a time when you have been pushed to the limit, what does get said may really be out of anger...therefore, a lot less controlled. This is why avoiding a conflict is ok, but to be prepared for two different scenarios that might occur.
If you see, hear, or know that something isn't going to go well...the first hint that "uh oh" is beginning to happen...then that is one scenario. You can dismiss the kids (if they are around), take that grandmother aside (if others are there), or start your direct points to her (whether there's someone else there to support you or you are alone). This is when you have been "put on alert" but not yet angry, so you can firmly state your rules, correct her, express your feelings...you know, say what you have to say in a firm, but respectful way. (If she can't handle it and "turns on you", then say that you are going to say what's on your mind anyway because it has to be said. She will now either have to leave or she'll have to listen to it...if she doesn't like it, then let her leave or have somebody take her home or you leave, depending on where all of this takes place.)
The second scenario...oh, my, this isn't the good one...is when a problem has already developed and it is full blown or seemingly out of your control or somebody has already been hurt or something against your "ways" has taken place or is happening. This is when you will more than likely confront with force...this is when there may be yelling, crying, screaming, insulting, etc....so, you must be prepared for this so you already know how you will handle it if it should happen. (In other words, have a bit of a "game plan") If possible, the best choice, of course, is to walk away (with your kids in tow if they are there), to go calm down and collect your thoughts (this could take a few minutes or an hour), and then return to her and make your point. If you can not leave, then just say "NO" or "STOP IT" or "I WILL NOT" or "I SAY HOW IT'S GOING TO BE" or whatever is needed to take a stand and make you the boss. Then, continue on as things should be in spite of her, her feelings, or her objections until you can calm down and/or speak with her at a more appropriate moment or, if necessary, you may have to deal with it right then and there. Do your best not to yell or scream, to keep your words as un-hateful as possible, and try to reach an agreement or just walk away (or ask her to leave).
Long comment, I know, but I know how much you anguish over this, so I really am just trying to help.
Ahh thank you very much. But first what notification? I am lost - do you receive notification when someone write? If that is the case how do I get that?
Things are going well so far! My fingers are crossed - she is staying with her other son , and I am laughing- not nice of me but true! I don't even go over there - and if I have I leave within ten minutes upon arriving!
I really appreciate you advice and I will think about this when something does come up. Its just a brewing over there and I am smiling until it happens to me!
Dear Mytwoloves,
It appears that this is God lining up all the little duckies in a row!
My friend, timing is important as He well knows,and you should know.
You are now greatly responsible not only for your children,but your own
attitude.You sometimes cannot just simply put on the big girl toughie pants now,for your kids sake,put yourself into the loving hands before you feel you might have to confront Granny! I have taken me into court through legal actions,i the most difficult of situations, He always gives me the correct and peaceful words to speak! He is always there for you ,you have but to seek His face in your heart and ask for guidance then and now.Use Him please.
In His love,
lampwicke xxx
You are absolutely right. I did put it in gods hands, and I have asked him for guidance- so far so good!
This situation is very hard for me, but I am handling better than I have in the past. She is a good woman at heart, just not with me. I can sometimes understand her actions with me - in the beginning (12 years ago) I wasn't the easiest person to get along with. I have grown through out the years!
Again Jamie,
the old man is coming against you, no more going squirrely over how things look
to you,it isn't in the seeing to know this is a spiritual battle,always remember my friend ,that you are a new creature in Christ,and being such ,"All things work together for good to them who love God and are called to His purposes".
all scripture signify those "Toughie" pants you speak of putting on, get into
the habit of believing by your faith that they are a permanent piece of clothing that you wear constantly> then you will be like a girl scout and always "be prepared"!
In His love,
by your faith,
lampwicke xxx